Naturally, any lady could be admired, approached, dated and even hugged intimately but just
about a few seemed qualified for the next crucial level – marriage. WHY?!
This is one fundamental question that goes through one’s mind whenever one sees them still
single, especially at that very ripe age. Pretty, educated, good diction, and so on; yet they still
wait for MR. RIGHT.
Below are some reasons attributed to this delay. They could be more than these.
One major reason we still see many ladies unmarried is because they just want to be ready for marriage and walk into it immediately, with the right man. To many of them the right man is he who is gainfully employed or doing well in his own business; he must have all luxury and necessities of life and should be ready to provide for all her needs.
Commonsense should tell everyone that beside every successful man is always a woman. The one who struggled and endured the stormy days and years with him. No man in his right senses will think of discarding his lady for any gold digger. Many who do not reason in this direction get themselves used and dumped.
At times, one wonders if religion has done more good to the society or more harm. Before the coming to Africa of Christianity, Islam and others all the parents needed to know is family
background. They ask questions and sometimes send out spies to investigate the other family.
Once parents are sure the other family are not relatives, does not have some nasty habits,
diseases in their lineage the marriage is consummated.
Hence, our young ladies who grew up into this tradition would also want to imbibe it and
possibly pass it on to the next generation.
This is a funny one! More often than not, visualizing the dream man and his fantastic attributes start from an early age. This starts, in most cases, in early adolescent. A time when the physical attributes of the female are gradually surfacing, when romantic novels becomes part the reading culture.
Mainly influenced by these books, they begin to envision what and how she wants her man to be.
A lot of times, they want him tall, handsome, light complexioned, gentle, curly hair, broadshouldered, thin moustache, etc. These ideas are engraved on the mind and outside the books,
they start looking for these men, looking for the impossible. All the attributes cannot be found in one single person! But they spend a better part of their adult years looking for them.
Before now, inter-tribal marriages were seriously frowned at, especially if both parties/
communities do not speak same language or are distance apart. But contemporary Nigeria seems to be relegating this attitude to the past.
Some ladies through parental influence still hold this as key criteria for marriage.
Some young ladies find it difficult to love again because of bad experience from past
relationships. They fail to realize that water can take and water can give life. What is paramount is the way and manner one handles and manages a relationship.
By nature, some girls always want to be in-charge. They want to dominate anyone in anything. It takes a pretty or rich lady to exhibit this attitude without negative response from the man. But one thing this lady has to know for sure is that that man is definitely not thinking of taking her to the altar.
He will just hang around a bit longer, catch more fun, enjoy the wealth as much as possible
before disappearing into thin air.
Some ladies tend to believe that getting married is a sort of bondage. To them their job comes first before anything. Unfortunately, this belief seems to be associated with the many working class ladies; especially those who see themselves as ‘career ladies’.
However, what they fail to realize or choose to ignore is that marriage precedes career in the
realm of respect and responsibility both in the short and long run. No man, with intentions of
marriage would compromise a marital happiness for a self-centered and irresponsible partner.
This is related to the last point. Due to certain incomprehensive influences these ladies do not believe men should provide for them. They do not want to be subservient. They always want tohave it their own ways QED.
We know the average African man wants to be respected, consulted and looked up to in all
family-related matters. Any babe showing signs pointing to the contrary would hardly transform to becoming a wife. Ladies just have to watch it!
One popular wish and prayer I have heard people say is for God to give them the grace to
recognize fine opportunities whenever they come knocking. As Christian, I know opportunities come in different guises. In most cases repugnant.
For our lady, the right man, the God sent one could come at anytime and would meet with her anywhere. We have heard many stories of men proposing marriage to a girl that believes she is not ready. She is never ready because she is either still too young (at 22, why the rush?), still in school and wouldn’t want her studies to be disturbed or she wants her elder sister to get married first even if she is reluctant.
Notwithstanding beauty, knowledge, status or family background, any lady with nasty attitude would have her marriage dream truncated. Many a times these nasty attitudes come in different forms: rudeness, arrogance, laziness, pretentiousness, self-centeredness, flirtatiousness, and so on.
Yes! This one is very important. More often than others, even in African movies, we have seen how past lifestyle of ladies ruin their present happiness. At every point in time, one should always think and consider the future in all our actions and inactions.
Some ladies decide to feel free and have all sorts of fun with every man that approaches them.
They want to have all the fun under the sun because such opportunities ceases after marriage.
Their excuse is that life is fun! Hence enjoy while it last.
Though rare these days, there still some ladies one could still refer to as dirty. Their clothes,
living environment, arm-pit, the mouth and other private areas are no go areas. Cleanliness is
next to Godliness. It is also a major criterion for long-lasting relationship and possibly marriage.